Secrets
by odalys-ortiz
Summary: Sometimes sitting down and chatting with a good friend over a game of Go Fish is all you need.


Disclaimer: The story is my creation. The only thing that doesn't belong to me are the characters and the POI universe.

 _Pre A/N: So a while ago SWWoman emailed me and Elev a list of different story prompts. This is my first one out of hopefully a long list of future stories._

 _Prompt: Tell me a secret._

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Secrets

"Okay, how about this? The next person that wins decides what we get to watch tonight" Joss negotiated as she moved to get more comfortable in her seat on the couch. She waited as John weighed the options before he began shuffling the deck of cards in his hand as he had done all night.

This was their thing for almost a month. When one of them had a rough day, the other would offer them a chance to come over and talk while they did some mundane task like making dinner or doing a bit of spring cleaning. Tonight, they had decided to play a few card games. John sat across from her in his signature vigilante uniform minus the suit jacket with the sleeves pulled up to his elbows and the first two buttons of his shirt undone.

Joss sat across from him with her right leg buried underneath her body while wearing a cream tank top and baby blue shorts with her hair up in a messy ponytail. She didn't feel the need to cover up around John. Joss knew that he wouldn't do anything to make her uncomfortable. It was greatly appreciated on her end because it felt like she could do things with him that she couldn't with any other man. Her job wasn't exactly something that she could openly discuss with someone other than him and neither was his. That's why she had come to look forward to nights like tonight.

"Deal." He then dealt the cards, give her seven first before him. The rest of the deck was put on the coffee table between them before they grabbed and organized their hands. Joss looked at John, silently asking who should go. "Ladies first" he said before sitting back in his chair.

Joss smiled as the game began. "Well thank you. Do you have any 2's?" He quickly handed her the requested card. "Looks like things are already looking up for me."

"Confident much Detective?" She just shrugged her shoulders before smiling. He then asked if she had any 4's.

"Go fish. Looks like you not off to a good start" she commented as he reached over to draw a card. "So what's going on? You told me over the phone that the number gave you some trouble this time." she jumped right into tonight's topic.

John took a moment to collect his thoughts before starting. "Where do you stand when it comes to your emotions and your job Carter? I know that you sometimes hold cases close to you. Are there times when you want to just separate yourself from a bad situation?"

The next hand forced her to draw as she thought about the question. "All the time. I decided on this job rather than being a lawyer because I thought I could help people better this way. The problem I have is that we're almost always too late and all that can be done is catch the culprit to make sure the victim gets justice. The times I feel I hold it the most is when it involves a kid. Those cases remind me too much of Taylor and they get to me because I think about that mother whose son isn't coming home for dinner." Joss sighed before continuing. "I don't think that my emotions hinder my ability to do my job though. When people feel like they can trust me, they want to open up and sometimes the information they have is vital to my case. I get crap for it sometimes from guys in the precinct. They tell me that I need to stop being a typical woman, stupid crap like that."

John raised an eyebrow as his eyes grew dark. "Should I pay some of your fellow officers a visit?" He asked when he reached over to grab a card from her.

Joss couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think that they need you to have a word with them. I already took care of that." John smiled at her assertiveness and independence.

In truth, he already knew that she would have told them off, not from spying on her, but just knowing the kind of person Joss was. John knew that she was a very vocal person which didn't exactly make her the most popular detective at her precinct. It was then that he remembered when her number had came up and how even a police captain was willing to give the order to have her killed without a hint of remorse according to Lionel. John continued to wonder if he made the right choice not throwing the captain off the damn building.

"So why the question John?" She asked, bringing him out of his thoughts. "You going philosophical on me?

He drew another card before continuing. "It's just that I wonder how many times I will be able to hold back when I'm still seeing cases that remind me of her."

Joss tilted her head to get a better look at him and saw pain behind his eyes. "You mean Jessica?"

John nodded. "The guy we had this time, he had a girlfriend who he cherished to the end of the Earth. The problem was that the girlfriend was a woman who didn't even know he existed. He was stalking her to the point that he actually broke into her apartment and stole small trinkets to have as a sort of trophy. It has me wonder, if we weren't around, what would he have done if she had started dating another man."

"He wouldn't have taken no for an answer. I've seen it before. It's this mentality that if he couldn't have her, no one will. I've seen it too many times as much as I hate to admit it." Joss clarified what they were both thinking.

"These men don't care enough to let the other person be happy, even if that doesn't involve them. Instead, they try to force their way into their lives and try to control everything she does. Peter was like that with Jessica and she wanted to get out. I could have gotten her out of the situation. Instead, she died and I dragged Peter off to that Mexican prison. It's still not going to bring her back. When I see these guys acting like him, I have to fight the urge to just take their lives."

Joss laid her cards face down on the table before getting up. She then walked over to John and sat on the armrest before placing a hand on his back. She felt him tense under her fingers and slowly started moving them up and down to help him calm down. "John, you are too rough on yourself. What happened wasn't your fault. You've got to understand that you couldn't do anything for Jessica okay? Even the best of us are incapable of saving everyone. Look at how long I've been a homicide detective and some of the guys I arrested are repeat offenders. Jail can't change everyone. Hey look at me." John did so while she continued to rub his back. "At least you showed restraint. I know how much that guy could be hurting if you hadn't kneecapped him. He kept crying all the way to the hospital. It was pretty sad really."

John chuckled when he remembered what happened. It must have been thanks to Joss's comforting touch that his emotions slowly calmed down. This was why he loved being around her. Joss gave him something that he thought he would never have again. She gave him a reason to do better.

"John, the next time you feel like this, call me. Whether it's to tell me a secret or talk about the weather, I'm here for you okay? Just like how you're there for me."

He finally felt the tension leaving his body. She didn't have to tell him. John already knew. Neither one would be alone. "I believe that you are trying to cheat Detective." He teased behind his smile and bright blue eyes. John wanted to tell her so much more but his brain stopped him. It would have been a mistake to ruin what they had by voicing feelings that he knew she didn't return.

Joss lightly hit him on the shoulder before heading back to the couch. "You're unbelievable, you know that. Seriously though, stop beating yourself up. All you can do is keep doing your best at what you do, being a pain in my ass." She plopped on the cushion before picking up her cards again. Joss felt relieved when she saw the smile from her last comment. She never liked when he beat himself up like that, especially when there wasn't anything he could do. Jessica was always a touchy subject with him and just like back when she first learned the truth about what happened, Joss had seen the conflicting emotions about doing the right thing.

"Right." John silently thanked whatever deity above brought Joss to him.

"Now do you have any 7's or not?" She asked impatiently.

"No." John answered with a straight face.

A scowl was now on Joss's face. "You're lying."

"I thought you weren't cheating." He pointed out as he leaned back in his chairs, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

"It's not my fault you didn't put your cards away. Now hand it over." She demanded with an outstretched hand.

John happily gave them to Joss as they continued their game. In the end, Joss was the victor and opted to just watch a college basketball game. After putting away the cards, John moved to share the couch with her like they always did when they watched TV. On those days, he made sure to provide a cushion of space between them.

Tonight was different however. When Joss came back with the two beers, she handed him his before taking the seat right next to him. His body tense slightly at the unexpected action, causing her to look up at him and ask if he was okay. Assuring her that he was alright, John wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. That's how they sat until Joss fell asleep during the game and used his shoulder as a pillow. John slowly separated himself from her then laid her across the cushions before going to find a pillow and blanket in the linen closet.

After taking his time to make sure Joss was comfortable, John crouched down beside her and brushed a few stray strands of hair from her face. She stirred from his touch but didn't wake up. He couldn't help the small smile as John once again wondered if anyone else would be able to really understand him as much as Joss did. Sure Finch knew quite a bit about his background too but there were some things about him that weren't kept in some folder or database. These were the things that he could open up to Joss about like his earlier feelings about his newest case and how it brought up bad memories.

Kissing her hair, John straightened up and put his suit jacket back on that was hanging on the back of the chair. He then grabbed his coat from the stand near the front door. Taking one last look at the woman sleeping peacefully only a few feet away, John buttoned his coat up and left, making sure to securely lock her door before heading home for a decent night sleep himself.

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Post A/N: So yeah, this last month has been pretty crazy. At the end of July, I had an apartment fire and was displace for almost a month. By the grace of God that I had my father to help me because he made it easier for me to get through everything. I just moved into my new place last Tuesday and I'm pretty happy with the current arrangement. I think God was telling my behind to move because I had been in the old apartment for 14 years. Another strange thing is that an apartment that was connected to mine caught fire while mine got a lot of smoke so I was able to salvage a few things thankful. I hope that maybe this is the start of things to come. Much love to all my readers and I'm not going anywhere:)


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